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Archive for Divorce

A Cheating Start

couple-arm-in-armDoes the circumstances in which something begins  dictate its future outcome? A philosophical question that deserves some further exploration particularly when it comes to relationships. In this case, if a relationship is born out of infidelity, is it bound for failure?

Now one’s first instinct may suggest that of course since infidelity is labeled a selfish and therefore negative action its offspring cannot in turn create a positive. However, those  quick gut judgements may become tempered by the details which led to the ultimate action. What if a person is in a poor unfulfilling relationship, one marred by poor communication, disinterest, substance or physical abuse etc. He/she knows that their current situation is not in their best interest, but at the same time remains locked in by a sense of obligation to the pleasant memories of the past, a fear of the unknown due to a sense of interdependence, the potential judgement/ humiliation of divorce etc. Read More→

The Road Which Leads to Divorce

couple-fightingInfidelity is the action which gathers the most glaring attention when a relationship is on the skids. However, the reality is that cheating is often the grand gesture or tipping point of a situation that has gone bad. Below, we will discuss a handful of the circumstances that can put a couple on the path to failure.

  • Activities: part of the connection which binds two individual is the simpatico or compatibility. In simple terms a couple gets each other. They each can have unique interests, hobbies etc. However, they understand where the other is coming from and appreciate and spend time together experiencing these activities. Now over the course of time, one’s interests may change. Work and other responsibilities can shift the priority scale. However, a couple which has a hard time making time for each other will more easily grow apart.
  •  Attraction: Physical looks may not be the end and be all that defines a couple. However, intimacy is often an indicator of how things are going. Clearly, we all won’t look youthful forever, but intimacy maintains that physical connection; and links into our next point.
  • Appreciation: Anyone can become the victim of habit or routine. However, that becomes an issue when we fail to recognize what each other does that benefits both of our lives. Some of the most common things which are taken for granted are household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, maintenance, grocery shopping, bill paying etc.) Over time this actions can occur as if on autopilot, but it doesn’t mean that they should be taken for granted.
  • Finances: Many households disagree over the way in which the mighty dollar is spent. This can aggravated by income inequality between spouses or disagreements over how money should be spent regarding purchases etc. The point being, you should try your best to be on the sam page regarding the checkup.

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Untangle Alimony

alimony-money-1Divorce can cause a significant money crunch. You’re off on your own; you may need to find a new place to live,of course that place will need to be furnished, the lawyers you hire to handle the legal paperwork are a necessary component. However, their services can cost a pretty penny. While these changes are inevitable, they hit one’s bank account. Just when you think you’re starting to settle into your new state of existence, that monthly reminder of your recently departed marriage hits you and your cheque book hard.

Alimony or spousal support is aimed at aiding the transitional period after divorce. This makes sense on many levels given that any number of financial and career-oriented arrangements may have been agreed to before or while married. One shouldn’t be unapologetically thrown to the wolves because the other decides he/or she wants out. This scenario is further exemplified when innocent third parties i.e. children are thrown into the fray. Read More→

Is She Cheating?

woman-stretchingThe quick, hot take on your marriage. You loved your spouse, and presumably at the time the feeling was mutual. There was no good reason to think that those feelings were going to change, so collectively you decided to make an official commitment with a formal ceremony and a celebratory party so that your friends and family could join in on this joyous occassion.

Initially, the first couple years , things seemingly went according to the plan which you had envisioned in your head. You bought a house, the one that would become a home, you even had a pair of children. Then while the making of a family was in full swing, the situation hit what you thought was a temporary snag. You lost your job. You and your spouse disagreed over the cause of your unemployment. She thought it was because you were acting somewhat lazily. You think it was because the company was being unreasonable in regard to workload expectations, hours etc. In essence, they were pushing you out the door. Read More→

Marriages are a Lot of Work

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Marriage is a lot of Work

A marriage is always changing an evolving and its so important to stay well connected to each other. Its easy to become distracted or preoccupied but in doing so it begins to develop cracks in the relationship. You need to listen to your spouse and also listen to what he or she might not be saying. Pay attention to the moods and vibes of the relationship. As soon as you feel things aren’t right then it is essential to begin talking to each other without any distractions. If things still do not improve then it is critical that you both attend marriage counseling.

Its much easier putting the time and energy and cost into each other in an effort to salvage your marriage than it is going through a divorce and starting all over with someone else only to realize that they will have a whole set of other problems and downfalls that your spouse did not. The grass is not greener on the other side. Sure someone else might have that 15% that your spouse does not have however that new individual will be missing a lot of good qualities your spouse had.

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