It’s difficult to have a relationship with someone after either your heart or theirs is hurt from the break up. But hate and lingering resentment doesn’t ever lead to moving on productively.
If kids are involved, it’s even more important to be cordial and respectful in each other’s company.
So here’s 5 ways to create the best long-term relationship once your intimate one fizzles out.
- Distance – You both will need to adjust to life apart. Work through your issues and rebuild your individual life. While you may be accustomed to an interdependent lifestyle, now is the time to re-establish your independence, and through it gain an inner peace and strength.
- Start From Now – It may be easy to rehash old arguments, but what good will that do? The relationship is over, and the fighting should be too. Remember the past and use it to direct your future, but don’t live in the past. Maintain a positive overall outlook and focus on the present.
- Maintain Boundaries – You may get along for the most part, however certain subjects tend to be the precursor to a fight. Whether its current spouses, family issues or finances, some subjects will need to be addressed. Understand that you may become frustrated, and do your best to maintain a level head and minimize unproductive confrontation.
- Avoid Arguments – Fighting (especially in front children) creates an awkward situation and sets a poor example. You can walk away rather than attack. Don’t push each other’s buttons knowing that it will or can cause backlash. Remain civil with a calm demeanor.
- Focus on the Children – You may simply have to deal with each other for the benefit of your child or children. Remember the positive gains your child will make rather than being selfish and acting on an individual basis. Look beyond yourself.
Becoming friendly or at least civil with your ex may be difficult, especially if the break-up was bitter.
Take the necessary time to regroup and restructure your life. And if you choose to be friends, remember that the relationship has changed. In essence, it is starting over, so treat it that way.