The cat is out of the bag, cheating has weaseled its ugly head into your relationship. What should you do? The house is burning down, should you run and find somewhere new or put the fire out and try to rebuild. The decision may not be obvious. In fact, it may appear easier to cut bait and start fresh.
However, you and your spouse may decide that rebuilding the relationship is worth the time and effort required. The first step should be that the cheater admits to their wrong doing, open up dialogue, and truly have regret and seek forgiveness. While retribution may be the initial thought, trust will take time and may never be reestablished. The first step should be determining the root cause of infidelity.
Infidelity is the end game of a series of symptomatic failures within a relationship. What caused you or your spouse to seek refuge in the hands of another? Addressing the underlying issues and in turn accept your fair share of the blame is an important step.
The relationship was broke most likely before the infidelity therefore recognizing and admitting the flaws is important. Before you attempt to salvage the relationship any and all relationship connections to the third party must be severed from the equation. The cheater needs to cuts all ties and communication with the third party. Levels of trust and subsequent intimacy need to gradually be reestablished; however in most instances trust can never be obtained again. It’s important that you focus on the future in lieu of focusing on the past indiscretions.
The victim may feel the temptation to remind the other of their mistake however, in reality, mistakes happen and dwelling on them won’t change what happened. Demonstrate remorse, remember, but move forward. Trying to correct your mistakes with a clean slate without permitting the guilt to suffocate you will dramatically help you get back on the right track.
The process may be arduous but that doesn’t mean its insurmountable. Live, learn, and grow.