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Shifting The Expectations Of Marriage For Modern Times

The root causes for marriage have changed as society evolves. Traditionally marriage was a vehicle for stability and security. Couples joined forces to create a family and have children. The accustomed or standard roles of contribution for that unit would be that the man would provide the financial income necessary to live and maintain a home, food, clothing, etc. The woman would keep that home (cook, clean, grocery shop, take care of the children, and more).

While love was not necessarily absent from these circumstances, it wasn’t always the primary motivation either.

A distinct change to this dynamic occurred when men were no longer considered the sole source of income. As more and more women entered the workforce and thus became financially independent, the desire for marriage as a source of security decreased.

Finding Your “Soulmate”

Now rather than basing plans around the concept of a family, the focus became building a foothold on a career path. This path often includes not only a four-year degree, graduate degree, etc. Over this time, one often accrues debt associated with higher education.

You enter the workforce at a later age, and the bills/loans are already waiting.

Rather than quickly settle down for financial purposes, individuals can become selective in choosing a counterpart. Selectivity no longer is based around finances but rather compatibility. Physical attractiveness, personal interests, belief systems, sense of humor, etc. play critical roles. Finding love, intimacy, a “soulmate” has become the primary objective and yes willingness or desire to have a family can be crucial to this.

However, the idea of the nuclear family as the goal or norm may be a thing of the past. Rather than quickly marry and race against their biological clocks, couples are increasing having fewer children and at later ages. Why?

Having children is seen as a gift by many people. However, they present certain constraints on both finances and free time. Couples may opt to go on adventures and vacations experiencing new things together in foreign lands, thus tabling having children. They may want to pay off their college loans, buy homes/vehicles, and see things and go places before signing up for the job of parenthood.

Some may prefer the intimacy and flexibility which being a childless couple creates. Childcare costs, and maybe personal happiness outweighs the desire to be a parent. Maybe being an aunt or uncle fulfills one’s nurturing quota while still providing individual freedom.

How it Relates to Cheating

The next and lasting point is the cause of marriage has gradually shifted from security and family to personal happiness and love (finding a soulmate) the impact of infidelity has changed.

While infidelity has always been a personal blow to its victim, previously it was more accepted as a blip or hiccup within a marriage. Now that dating has become a more refined vetting process based on the concept of finding the “one,” cheating becomes a more personal offense.

It’s not merely a physical foul – cheating is a snafu which brings into question every aspect of one’s identity. If you can’t trust the one person/diamond meant for you within a sea of individuals who can you trust?

How We Can Help You

Are you uncertain or afraid that your spouse has broken that trust, but you’re not sure what to do next? Contact us, and we’ll help get to the bottom of it.

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