You’ve come to the emotionally difficult decision to dissolve what you hoped to be a lifelong commitment in marriage, with the dreaded “D” word divorce.
Now, your first instinct may be to treat the process like an impending battle, where friends and family are forced to pledge allegiance to your side, or they’ll be characterized as a sworn enemy. The words communication and compromise, previously pillars of one’s relationship, are traded in for cold-hearted, cutthroat tactics running through your emotively-fueled state as you aim to get the best resolution for yourself.
You might think you need a professional experienced in executing just that, a mercenary of sorts or as they are otherwise labeled a family law attorney. But, before you go through with hiring one, maybe you should consider avoiding a lawyer altogether based on our personal experience handling surveillance for divorce cases.
1) They Encourage Hostility
No one anticipates a divorce heading into their wedding. It could be the byproduct of any number of circumstances.
- Cheating/Infidelity
- Communication breakdown
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- Desire or lack thereof to become parents
- Parenting habits and techniques
Whatever the root cause, lawyers feed off your fragile and potentially volatile emotional state. The desire is to be the “winner” in the proceedings, whether it be a matter of finances and ownership over possessions or if that extends to children and child custody.
The actual reality is that mindset more likely leads to a zero-sum game where neither of you is happy.
2) They Have No Incentive to Settle Quickly
Lawyers may suggest that they hope to make the process short and relatively painless (think ripping off the bandaid), but they always like to play the long game. The more time that goes by, the more fees they can pile up, bringing you to the next point.
3) They’ll Charge You for Everything
- Phone Calls
- Email Communication
- Photocopies
- Court Appearances/Filings
And yes, their time like everyone else’s is worth money.
However, unlike yourself, their priority probably isn’t your case. Family lawyers may handoff the majority of the responsibilities to another junior level associate or dodge your calls to prolong the situation and extend billable hours.
In many cases, you don’t feel like your getting the real value of what you deserve for the enormous costs.
4) You Have More Influence Than You Think
Collaborative Divorce is a less hostile and contentious avenue. Rather than going for blood, couples enter into an agreement which allows for an amicable or at least reasonable split, one that avoids the drama of the courtroom; after all, this isn’t TV – it’s your life.
Now, as in most cases, one’s best possible approach is to be prepared. If your home life has started to go sideways, it could be in your best interest to anticipate the future; even if that means divorce.
If you see the writing on the wall, you should begin documenting, journaling, and keeping a chronological log of essential aspects of your daily life that may be relevant later on.
It is vital that this documentation remains in a safe, secure place with someone you can trust and hidden from your spouse (i.e., not in your shared home).
5) What You Really Need is Evidence
Divorce can be a traumatic experience. One might think that calling in a family attorney is the only way to protect yourself. However, they often act in their best interest, even when it isn’t yours.
On the other hand, what you genuinely need to get the best settlement is evidence that cannot be argued against by your ex-spouses attorney.
The best form of evidence you can present is video/photographic surveillance documenting their habits and lifestyle. Otherwise, it’s your word against theirs.
That’s why we recommend that you call our company first before you call a lawyer. We can advise you on the best course of action, and in many cases, you’ll save thousands of dollars by doing so while also building a stronger case.
