Marriage is often one of the biggest decisions in our lives, and it’s impossible to know what the future holds. With that said, there are plenty of folks who rush into marriage, either because of immaturity or other reasons.
If you are planning to marry your partner for one of the following reasons, you may want to reconsider:
- Money – Financial stability is important, but it isn’t everything and should not be the foundation to your marriage. While money talks, it doesn’t share interests, values or conversation.
- Potential – Demonstrating confidence in someone and expecting them to make drastic changes are separate unrelated events. If your fiance needs to transform or alter their behavior, career or financial status to become your ideal partner, you may want to look somewhere else and think about the here and now.
- Settling – Perfection is almost impossible; but accepting “good enough” is not the same as getting what you deserve. Over time the little things that we ignore can become magnified. Thus these issues that were look past initially will gradually become bigger ones that can’t be ignored. Before you know it, good enough becomes not enough, which isn’t acceptable for you anymore.
- Core Values – Compromising is a sign of growth and maturity. However, there are some things – spiritual, career and life goals – for which we are unwilling to soften our stance because they hold an important aspect of what we are. Despite loving someone, if your values and goals differ significantly, this conflict will always come to the forefront. Don’t expect the issue to go way because it seems far away today. A perfect example of this is one person wants to have kids while the other doesn’t.
- Friends & Family – Maybe your friends and family have easily bonded with your spouse and they accept him/her as one of their own. While the fit with your social circle can be a factor, the most important fit is between the two of you. Conversely, you may want to marry someone but your friends and family advise that it’s a bad idea. In this case, if you hear this from multiple people, it’s worth considering because it’s obvious they see something that you are missing.
No one can determine what the future holds. However, it is important to think about your relationship long-term and evaluate accordingly. Everyone will change to some degree over the course of their lives, but you cannot expect to force change on people too quickly. Use past experience as the best indicator of future behavior, listen to advice when someone is willing to give it, and most importantly, make your choices based on what is best for you right now.
